When men say stupid things

There’s something to be said about going to church, and I’m going to say it: Getting four kids ready for church is a crap load of work.

Here’s the thing. When you have four kids and one o’clock church, your entire Sabbath is spent getting the children ready. Instead of only needing an hour, the time/space continuum devours every precious moment and manages to still make you late. Also it could be the devil’s fault.

On Sunday morning, by ten o’clock I had bathed all four kids, nursed the baby twice, pressed church clothing, cooked and cleaned up a massive breakfast for Jason and his morning meeting of eight guys, and still managed to kiss him on my way out the door to choir practice.

By the time I got home and loaded the kids into their Sunday wear, I had just over an hour to go. Of course, the second I jumped in the shower the baby started to cry for lunch, which meant I had about four minutes to wash and condition, shave my legs, and relax. I got about five deep steamy breaths before my exit.

At 12:50, I stood in the bathroom desperately trying to finish drying my hair, and my husband walked in. He looked at me with a sly smile.

“You plan this, don’t you,” he says all coy like.

“Plan what?”

“This whole, wait until the last minute to get ready so I have to do everything.”

Oh no he didn’t.

“Excuse me?”

“You know, feed them lunch, find their shoes, all that before church stuff. You just love getting out of it.”

Yes, my friends, he did.

I cannot properly relay to you my reaction, but it would be safe to say there was much spitting and biting, foot stomping and hair brush throwing. I also yelled. A lot. So much in fact, that Rex finally came in to tell me that I was scaring “the kids”.

See, apparently the only reason women wait to get ready for church is so they can get out of the Great Sunday Shoe Hunt. While I’ll admit this is not my favorite sport, I can tell you in total honesty that my last minute mascara smudges have more to do with relay runs to the kitchen than laziness.

These wonderful men have no idea how much we do. They simply have no idea.

I think next Sunday I’ll be sick.

(Jason was quite appologetic by the time I cooled off, and happily buckled and snapped everyone into the car so I could find my heels. The ones I threw at him.)


  1. so true! we went to church last Sunday for the first time in 3 months! but that is how it really is! my husband made a comment to me, “you AREN’T washing your hair today” usually it’s “why do you always have to wash your hair on Sunday” hmm…well because I haven’t had a chance to all week lol! how nice would it be to take a shower and actually do everything you need to during that shower! i have to wash my hair one day, shave the next…lol!

  2. Yes, the men in our lives say the stupidest things. Fortunately mine does know how much work I put in getting those kids ready for church. On the other hand he likes to threaten to turn off the internet just so I will go to bed when *he’s* ready for bed. I don’t think he realizes just who he’s threatening.

  3. Oh. Man. I’d almost feel sorry for him if he hadn’t brought it upon himself. A thrown hairbrush and some shoes? He got off lucky! 😉

  4. I think he deserved a kick in the crotch.

  5. I”m pretty sure my entire body bristled when I read this! Men, Lord forgive ’em, just do not know of what they speak.

    Hope DH’s bruises from the flying shoes heal before next Sunday….

  6. Oh my goodness! Men are all so alike! Mike doesn’t understand why I make them late to church every Sunday. Well, honey, while you’ve been taking your Sunday morning nap, I’ve spent all morning getting the kids ready ! Haha! My husband doesn’t tell me to not wash my hair, his big thing is, “don’t blow dry your hair, I like it curly” (Translation: Blow drying and straightening your hair takes way too much time, just throw some mousse in it!). Now to his credit, I’ve been gone the last month on Stake duties, so he has brought the kids every week to church all by himself (I do have them bathed and dressed before I leave) and he hasn’t complained at all!

  7. One o’clock church. Sigh. I agree and understand.

  8. This sounds SO much like our house! Except our choir practice is from 12:15 to 12:50, so all the last minute stuff is left up to him. I try to have them clothed, fed, and the bag packed, but the hair-combing and shoes are up to him.

    It’s hil-AIR-ious that Jason thought you did it on purpose. I blame his lapse in judgment on the bacon and pancakes he ate.

  9. I have ten o clock church. And a husband who goes to early meetings. So I get five kids ready by myself every single sunday. And, because the same forces in play at your house are in play at mine too, I am NEVER on time. This past week was our primary program and one kid wasn’t feeling so hot so my husband skipped out on his second early meeting and came home to help. It’s a good thing too cause we barely made it into the pew by 9:59. But we were there. Things were fine. Then, on my way out of the chapel after Sacrament, my branch president said, with this smug little grin on his face, “Well congratulations for finally getting to church on time.”

    I didn’t smile. I didn’t laugh. I looked at him square in the eyes and said, “You are not funny.” Then I walked away.

  10. Gee. I can’t wait till I have kids…. 🙂

  11. I’ll never forget the Sunday morning when I was at my wits’ end with three little kids, and my husband came home from an early meeting to pick us up and take us back to church. I was practically in tears, and asked him to get my daughter’s shoes for her. He told me he was ‘busy’. A minute later, as I rushed past our bathroom on the great shoe hunt, I saw him in there, standing at the counter.


  12. Stupid men. Maybe your husband and my husband can get together and talk about this. I’m sure they’ll yuck it up plenty. And then we can both throw shoes at them. Lots of shoes. We’ll take shoe donations, just for this.

  13. Oh geez… that was was a bad one!
    Because everything is already done that you do, before a certain someone gets home, it doesn’t get noticed. Its like it just magically takes care of itself everyday (in their minds of course).

    I tell my husband the things I do everyday so that he is aware… otherwise he comes home and asks me the dangerous question “what did you do all day?” And then it all goes downhill from there (as I am sure you can imagine:)) Oh how I HATE that question! I think that quarterly women need to take off for a week so that the men realize what they’ve got haha. You see even though they might “know” they tend to forget… it should become a national holiday or something:)

  14. damselindisdress says:


    My man would say, “I’ll be waiting in the car.” **stab

    But now, he’s in the Tabernacle Choir so he’s Not Around Ever.

  15. Oh boy, I think we can all relate to some part of this. I hear ya on one o’clock church. Uses the whole darn day. Also, hear ya on being the main one getting the kids ready, breakfast for everyone, takes me at least :40 minutes to do myself. But LUCKILY, the hubby has never made one comment about getting to church on time (he probably just loves being able to see more of the football game) and he never complains if I ask him to get shoes, feed kids, load the car, etc. And, I am so glad to report that after 8 years of marriage, he actually looks around now to see what can be done to get us out the door quicker.

    But, your post was right on and too funny.

  16. amen, sista!

  17. ha ha, I can see the FEAR on his face right now.
    There is nothing harder then nursing, getting kids ready for church….and “feeling the spirit” by the time you get there.
    If it weren’t for the fact of being LDS
    I’d be relying on some of those “other spirits” to calm me

  18. Patti Nilssen says:

    Since I am the mom of 9 I really get this and at the times it was never as funny as it in retrospect, however those days of young ones loosing shoes instead of older ones loosing their ways, give me the loads of work just to see someone make it back to heavenly father once at a time. Aloha Patti

  19. You need to go out of town for the weekend–except I guess they’ll never get the nursing thing. Hmmm . . . and you cooked breakfast for 8 men???? You are truly amazing.

  20. We have 2:30 church, it is awful!!! And just a couple weeks ago after getting all four bathed, fed breakfast and lunch, dressed and hair done, and dinner in the crockpot so it was ready when we got home, his job was to get shoes on them while I pulled my still wet hair into a ponytail. When we got to the church I discovered one son had on white socks with his black pants and shoes, one had on anklet socks with footballs all over them that no longer fit, and one daughter was completely barefoot. Ugh.

  21. Denys Gallentine (Brumbaugh) says:

    some of these comments are as fun to read as your post Annie- last Sat night I tried to *hint, *hint to my hubby that it’d be nice if he got up a little earlier than usual so we could get to church on time – his reply, “it doesn’t take that long, does it?” – so I started naming off all the things that have to get done – nurse the baby, feed the baby, dress the kids, breakfast the kids, make-up(shower? forget about it ), of course it’s almost unheard of for him to skip a shower, pack the snacks, check for quiet books, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc…right 🙂 I do like our 9:00 church, though – we just rush rush rush instead of dragging it out all morning. He likes to get up at 8:15, shower and eat and then he always wonders why he is waiting for me in the car while I am frantically trying to do my make-up and grab the snacks on the counter.
    If anyone is interested in the “no shoes in the house” rule – it does help with what I’ve read about here called The Great Shoe Hunt – we really don’t have that at our house. I have to say, as a rule of thumb, the days DH goes to his morning meeting, we are more likely to be on time, than if DH is home with us. hmmmm…