When friendship runs its course

*If you are someone in my life, this post is not about you. I repeat, it’s not about you. It’s theoretical, based off a conversation I had with a girlfriend. Relax, we’re good.

Friendship dies. No really, even good friendships can fall by the wayside faster than you can say Girls’ Night Out–I know, I’ve been there. I’ve met girls who have a spat and “break up” with each other, a youthful move that I find humorous and slightly horrifying. Not that it doesn’t have it’s place.

The problem is that sometimes we jump into the deep end of friendship, head first, only to find that there’s no chance of swimming to the shallows. It’s a sticky place to be, trying to unravel from a relationship that’s gotten way too…uncomfortable (heavy, oppressive, needy, obnoxious).

And sometimes, a friendship simply runs its course, and that is perfectly okay. No harm, no foul, everybody goes their separate ways in peace.

So how do you know when you’ve got a keeper? Here are some of the signs I’ve found of friendships that are built for the long haul.

1. You can spend five years with zero contact, but the first words out of your mouth will still be, “Holy crap, you won’t believe what just happened to me…”

2. Even when you forget to update each other on semi-important events, like, oh, say a baby, neither person gets offended.

3. You can forget each others birthday’s and never exchange gifts for any holiday or special occasion, and you still love each other.

4. Guaranteed your name is safe with them, and vice versa.

5. You might move away, move on, meet other people, but you never replace each other. They always remain one of your dearest.

Over the years and the schools and the moves, I can count five of these friends. And the funny thing is, the girls I Love Forever aren’t necessarily the girls I initially befriend. In fact, sometimes the friendships that look so bright and shiny, end up wilting. It’s the girls who stick around for the monotony of every day life that I can’t seem to get enough of.

I’m lucky to have women in my life who remember me as a friend. Some friendships just never quit; for that, I am grateful.


  1. It is nice when you find those close friends that will be close no matter what. The ones that won’t make you feel guilty if you don’t give them presents or remember to call on their birthday and you don’t have to stress about hurting their feelings.

  2. Not counting the obvious family girl friends, I actually have one of these sweet, enduring friends from college days. I know, only one?! But you know me, don’t reach out much and don’t open up easily. I am lucky to have found one besides you girls.

  3. So true. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about friendships. I’ve decided it’s me. I’m the crazy nutter. It was nice knowing you.

  4. Are you saying you want to break up with me?! And here I thought I was your favorite stalker?! ;o)

    Seriously though, a good girlfriend is hard to come by. Possibly because I don’t play well with others.

  5. This is so very true. I consider myself lucky because I have at least four or five dear friends who fit the description above. I try to teach my girls, when they have to deal with drama, that for most of us our dearest and closest friends are found much later in life.

  6. LUBBED THIS POST. Especially the disclaimer. hahahah

    You are a pro.

  7. It IS exactly like that between real friends when you haven’t seen each other in a while. I love that, too. It’s like the love’s there even when you can’t be.

  8. I have a friend just like you described. Whenever we remember to call each other (and the stars align and our kids behave), the conversation doesn’t even start with “hello.” We just launch in with things like “Get this…”

    It’s really the best thing.

  9. I have a couple of friends like that as well. We can go 5 years not hardly speaking because (im terrible about using the phone and returning emails) get together and its like we never left. The conversation doesn’t stop, no uncomfortableness. Its nice.

  10. Annie! I have been trying to articulate these feelings for years! I reposted your post on my blog b/c it is SO true! I love it. And I am so grateful for dear friends… and old friends who can articulate my feelings about dear friends!
    Thanks! 🙂

    • annie valentine says:

      Thanks for the linky love, Catherine, but where in the heck is your blog address??? I want to stop by!

  11. A.M.E.N.

  12. Loved this post, Annie. So true. 🙂

  13. virtual high-5 on this post! spot-on for sure. 🙂

  14. #4 is a deal maker/breaker for me. As soon as I don’t feel safe, I’m out 0f there.