My Silent House

Well thank goodness the Lord isn’t finished with me yet.

I had something happen this week that really upset me. Considering the fact that this came right smack in the middle of our move to Germany, I was ripe for the Devil’s picking.

For starters, it took a major chunk of brain to organize all 12 bags into something that would make sense for this move. Without organization we would be living out of suitcases double time–twice as much ruffling and messing and dirty undies getting shoved into forgotten pockets.

When I’ve got something on my mind there’s nothing worse than a silent project to act as a big kettle for stewage. The first day of the move, I sat on the floor and folded and rolled…and thought. I thought about the situation, how I felt wronged and bothered and disrespected and–let’s just say it was not a good stimulant where my blood pressure is concerned.

The packing process took three days. For three days I rolled this around in my mind, knowing there wasn’t a real solution within my power. I was like some sort of pressure cooker. Every single time I sat down or stopped visiting with Dan the moving man, this thistle would creep back into my conscious and I’d feel the scowl settle in. My angry wrinkles were getting way too much exercise.

The third night, after the movers had finally boxed their last box and loaded their last crate (it took 14), I found myself alone in the shell of my home. I had a few hours to spare before my girlfriends arrived with buckets and mops, so I went to work repainting.

And then my head began to monologue.

I knew just what I was going to do, what I would say, and exactly how I’d say it. Three days into this and let me tell you, I was a boiling furnace ready to blow a gasket. It was time, I decided, and I was going to say what was on my mind. And when I was through…

And that’s when I heard it. That little voice, in the silence of my home, that quietly whispered, “Or not. Or you could just be happy and grateful and forgive this small error. Who said it was such a big deal, anyway? You have other options, good options. You can be loving, Annie.”

For the record, I don’t usually think in the third person, so when I hear my name used I kind of know it’s a nudge from someone who’s got a better view of things.

My knees were instantly humble and bendy, and it didn’t take long for me to come right around to the Lord’s way of thinking. Such a small thing, and I was so willing to inflate into something else.

I sat there after my prayer and looked around the empty bedroom. The furniture, clothing, toys, pictures of Jesus–all gone. But as quiet as my house was, I wasn’t alone. How very thankful I am that the Spirit didn’t get boxed up with the movers. I have the feeling I’ll be leaning on him heavily in the next few weeks.


  1. I can’t stand that you’re packing and leaving. How can we be missing each other so closely, and yet so completely??

    I’ve had this same experience. Went to bed, praying that the Lord would take the offense and the hurt and the feeling of betrayal from me because I couldn’t just hand it all over like I wished I could. And I woke in the morning, a completely different person. No more anger. No more grudge. No more hurt.

    I’ve heard it said that the greatest miracle ever performed is the changing of the human heart, and I believe that’s true.

  2. Tears are rolling. Thank you for sharing such a tender moment. Just what I needed tonight.

  3. Beautiful!

  4. Great writing. I too have had those monologues. Thank goodness for the Spirit who keeps us on track.

  5. That experience was direct revelation from God to You. Not because of something someone said, or something you read, or heard… just straight, pure revelation to you.

    It’s experiences like these that remind me that Heavenly Father is always there, waiting, listening and directing.

    Good luck in your move.

  6. Aw. Annie. This is such a needed post for me. In the past month I have managed to nurse 2 pretty good grudges. One I got over within the hour, but one that has plagued me off and on for years. I know I need to let it all go and move ahead with good things. I have taken some steps, but need to just finish it up.

    Thanks so much for your sweet reminder about what counts. I hope all goes well for you as you leave on your great adventure. Best wishes.

  7. Annie-Annie! Letting it go is such a gift. Why, why do I hold on anyway? *Sigh*

    I’m so glad you got that moment of peace and communion in your home right there at the end.


  8. Thanks for this. I had a similar experience not too long ago.

    So sad you’re moving!

  9. And it’s a post like this that make me fall in love with you all over again! I have been in your shoes (though not with as high a heel), had the monologue down to restore justice with my righteous anger, but…
    All I can say is thank the Lord for those little “buts.”

  10. I so wish I could have spent some time with you before you head out to Germany. Germany is LUCKY to have you.
    This was a lovely post of raw feelings. Sometimes, in the “silence” we HEAR the most.
    I love you sweet girl.

  11. wonderful article. I was starting a grudge-growing attitude only 5 minutes before reading this and it stopped it in it’s tracks. I appreciate your ability to put into words what so many think and feel.