Confessions of a reformed Diet Coke whore

I have to confess. I have recently discovered that I do, in fact, have an addiction to Diet Coke. (Actually I will happily take any version of sugar water loaded with caffeine, especially if it comes with an IV option.)

This is a particularly horrific confession for me. I grew up in a strictly non-caffeinated household, and in fact never even tasted cola in all it’s wickedness until I went to BYU and got corrupted by my southern, DP drinking roommate.

Thank you Jessica. No really, thank you. I had no idea what I was missing.

My addiction started two years ago during my last pregnancy. Like all intelligent knocked-up blondes, I spent the last six, headache riddled months sipping my Mickey Dee’s super sized dollar Dr. Peppers to make the pain go away (because we all know pregnant women should avoid too much over-the-counter medication).

They may or may not have contributed to my 50 pound weight gain.

Once the baby came I switched to diet, because we all know drinking diet pop makes you skinny.

And that’s when we found out about the move to Germany. From November on, every time I passed a McDonalds I would break out in a cold sweat–I’m sure it had nothing to do with my caffeine addiction–at the very thought of losing access to my cheap fountain drinks. “Just one more,” I’d say, or “I should take advantage of my blessings like a nice Christian girl.”

Three weeks before the move I decided to quit cold turkey. I think they call it cold turkey because everytime I’d try to snitch a drink from a family member and they would turn me down, I would in turn yell, “You’re a cruel, cold turkey for not sharing!”

It took five days for the headaches and the nausea to subside.

The worst part? I’m the world’s most obnoxious reformed whore. Not only do I routinely preach against the evils of that horrible, addictive cola, but every now and then I’ll secretly suck down 42 oz and spend the afternoon deep cleaning the house, while I simultaneously learn German and put up a two-year supply of applesauce.

I guess for every cola there is a season.

 


Comments

  1. Next thing you know, you are going to be making bratworst and drinking pints of beer.

  2. You almost make caffeine addiction sound like a bad thing.

  3. I love how if you forget to enter the captcha code it just completely erases whatever you just wrote and you have to start all over.
    Germany has the best diet coke ever. It is not a place I would choose to change my drinking habits haha! Tis a little strange to buy it off post and realize wow this bottle has really been recycled, other lips touched this bottle…. But recycling is good for the enviroment and their formula is just a tad different and I love it!

  4. I never consumed any type of cola drink til I was twenty…and it was TAB. Up until last year I used to go into the grocery store and head over to the serve yourself soda fountain…nothing was better than a cold fountain drink before shopping.

  5. Hey, don’t hate on the cola! If it wasn’t for the Coke (or Pepsi…I don’t discriminate!) I would probably have some sort of actually harmful addiction to get me through the day! I think it is the lesser of all the evils! At least that is what I tell myself…every morning…rain or shine…even though it makes me late for work. I can’t resist the frosty fountain beverage!

  6. So are you suggesting the Pepsi discontinuing their Diet Pepsi with Vanilla is just another way that God acts through others, that it’s divine intervention? 🙂

  7. I quit cold turkey when I was 16… after having Diet Pepsi for breakfast during basketball season (no, I wasn’t ON the team… you don’t have me mixed up with some short person…) the withdrawal sucked BIG rocks… but years later I realized that not only did my stomach no longer hurt (caffeine + teenage angst = ulcers) but I hadn’t had a single migraine since I quit…

    but I’m not preaching the evils…. because y’know what… sometimes, even 20 years later – all I want is a huge cola flavored fully caffeinated beverage…

    my relieved stomach/peaceful brain doesn’t let me give in though…

    and that is probably why I still don’t have my laundry folded… no caffeine fueled late night bursts of nervous energy 🙁

  8. I too was corrupted at BYU when I discovered TAB. Now I have moved on to Diet Coke. Like you when I am “on the wagon” it is evil. But when I am “off the wagon”, boy can I justify!