the sex talk

Oh gosh, we did it. Actually this was a whole lot more monumental than the actual act: we told Harrison about s-e-x. Now that we’ve done it I feel like I’m finally a full-fledged parent.

I use the term “we” lightly here since I mostly sat at the table red in the face while my husband casually threw out the world’s worst object lessons. Honestly, when he started talking about wet spaghetti noodles I just about crawled under the table.

The whole thing started last week. “I think we need to talk to Harrison about sex,” I said one evening. “They’re getting it in Health this year and I’d really like him to hear it from us.” For the record, we didn’t get it until 5th grade but I guess since kids are getting pregnant at twelve it’s best to be on top of it (warning: this post is going to be full of really unfortunate puns).

“Ok,” he said, “I’ll handle it.”

What? Hello? I’m an equal partner here. I then informed him that it was something we should study up on and prepare for together. Then he snorted and asked if I wanted to go “study” in our bedroom.

After the three youngest went to bed tonight we sat at the dining room table with Harry to review his Faith in God pamphlet and check his progress. Just as I was getting ready to send him off with a prayer and a kiss, Jason says, “Hey, why don’t we talk to him about s-e-x tonight?”

For the record, 4th graders can spell.

And thus commenced the most interesting conversation I have yet to have as a parent. We must have done an okay job because he had no problem asking us questions throughout. In fact, I think the whole thing cleared up a lot of speculation for him. He even asked if he could ask us the definition of words he sometimes hears on the bus, words like “gay.”

Yeah, it was enlightening. For all of us.

Jason handled the mechanics and I tried to interject occasionally with theoretical tid bits, like how special and PRIVATE it is, that it’s not something you tell your friends about or discuss on the school bus.

As we wrapped it up and walked him up the stairs his head was full of questions. Apparently the human body is extrememly interesting to nine-year-old boys because he peppered us with follow-ups like, “What’s the deal with poop?” and “Where do boogers come from?”

All in all I’d say it was a success. One down, three to go (he asked if he could sit in when we talk to his siblings).



  1. OH MY GOSH!! My oldest is in the same boat, 4th grade, the sex ed is coming up and I’m cringing just reading this post!! I don’t want to be an adult!! I was really hoping that in fourth grade they were going to talk more about bodies changing, puberty kind of stuff…no? I have to be mature about this? Lord help me!

  2. I’ve been unsure about how to handle this discussion with Mr. T. He’s not even two yet! Do you think they make a doggie pop up book?

  3. Glorying in my 3 and 1 year olds right now…hooray for not needing to worry about that yet!

  4. Hahahaha… love it! For us the sex talk was an ongoing process and it involved mostly me answering questions & educating. Each time the conversation would turn that direction, Seth would practically run from the room with his hands over his ears! Daisy & I would laugh, and then more questions would be answered. I’ve found that that’s the best way to tackle this. She gets no more education than she’s ready for. Then when she asks further, then those questions get answered as they come.
    The most comical of this, however, is the school-mandated “maturation class.” Due to a move & school change, she got that class twice. She felt like an EXPERT. The first class yielded the most hysterical scenario. She came home, told me all about what she learned. I said “Well, is there anything that was mentioned in class today that maybe you did understand or have questions about?” She sat for a minute pondering and then proudly stated, “No. I think I got it. …But, what I couldn’t understand was, WHO is VIRGINIA?!” Bahahahaha…. I had to giggle. Couldn’t keep it in. I explained the medical terminology in better clarity for her, then we both giggled at the thought of the mysterious girl, Virginia, that my daughter had been so concerned about. Fast forward a few hours later, we decided to meet my husband a half-hour away for dinner, since he’d had to work late. We talked about the days adventures with him, including the maturation class, and the clarification. When leaving the restaurant, she & I were driving past him and his rig, when she leaned out the window and asked, “Dad! How’s YOUR Virginia?” That was beyond unexpected, and he literally dropped to the asphalt, he was laughing so hard!

  5. My daughter’s in 4th grade too and they had the development and health classes a couple weeks ago. I was able to preview what was going to be taught and decided to pull her out. It is not something i want the school teaching. I understand that parents aren’t doing it so the schools step in but it’s such a sacred God given act. Plus, the info is so day they’re teaching abstinence and the next day HIV/STDs… those poor kids. I didn’t have those talks until HS. She also had the maturation film (which i also withdrew her from) and I didn’t learn about that until the END of 5th grade. Anyway, I have a choice on what i want my kids to learn and thankfully the principal wasn’t judgemental at all but very supportive.

  6. We’re still living parallel lives! I just found some great books I think you’d like for the kids! I just wrote it up on my blog last week. Perfect for our kids’ ages and for me to stay on topic. I’d been feeling like I needed to instigate this for our family too because of incidents going on among friends their ages at different schools. It’s a start 😉

  7. I just went through this with Boo, also 9. I tried it before with just the two of us and a couple of ice cream cones but this other lady was totally eavesdropping. So I took her to dinner where we could both concentrate on our food instead thinking about how embarrassing it all was. Actually, it went rather well and she asked really good questions. Whew.