Tell me I’m not the only one who is experiencing mathematical PMS, I swear it multiplies every month.

I find PMS in general extremely unfair, and not to me. I don’t have to live with myself, I have an out of body experience every month right about That Time and some raging lunatic woman moves in to take over. I have very little memory of her behavior or motivations, but I know she tends to snap her teeth. She also consumes mass quantities of really inappropriate carbohydrates. I kind of hate her, she’s killing my figure.

See, all those years I was having and nursing and trying to get pregnant with babies I didn’t have to deal with this stuff. In fact, in the course of twelve years I only had eight cycles, and four of them were pregnancies.

And then I got my tubes tied and Heaven no longer felt obligated to regulate my baby making abilities and voila! I’m all normal and hormonal. It’s so stupid.

This PMSishness runs in my family, my mom says she can remember waking up in the morning a week or two before her you-know-what and rolling over to glare at my father because he was…there. Have you met my dad? He’s an angel. This is how I feel. My poor littles, they do the smallest things and I fly off the handle, then have to repent and apologize and go sit in Downward Dog for a few minutes to try and gather my wits about me.

You know it’s bad when your husband says, “Honey. I think you have PMS, you’re being really horrible,” and you feel nothing but relief.

“YES! That’s what this is!! I have insane PMS, please help me! I am a crazy lady, do not hold anything I say or do in the next 144 hours against me because I am a full blown LUNATIC!!!”

I think I need to have my uterus microwaved.


  1. Yes! I never had to deal with it either, until I was done having kids. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out why I was the raunchiest woman alive the whole week before, until a gentle friend said its probably PMS. Wha? Sure enough…
    I think we should be allowed to hide from the planet for a week if we want to.

  2. That’s what is awesome about having a spouse there who can be more impartial and rational about things. I feel totally relieved too when he tells me it’s PMS and I’m NOT turning into the worst mother alive for absolutely no reason!

  3. Ditto, me too. The week before, my marriage feels like it’s about to collapse and I need to run away and abandon my family, then I get my stupid period and miraculously, I’m happy again. This must be why so many women got stuck in the crazy houses at the turn of the century … it’s really really not fair. Stupid hormones. And the worst is, my brain seems incapable of untangling the cause for my insanity. Every month. Sheesh.

  4. I can relate. Sorry! 🙁

  5. Unh-huh, yep, totally. I’m PRAYING that menopause will move with lightening speed through me so that I can be DONE! Wait until you have a pre-teen/teen who is all hormonal because mama’s gone loco. Yep, I need an awesome hiding place Right Now! (good luck – the nice thing is that we’re not alone in all this crazy mess. Still don’t understand why there’s not a faucet somewhere we could turn off! 😉 )

  6. Really, it actually annoys me when I figure it out. I was perfectly logical and reasonable in my reactions cuz everyone was purposely bothering me. And then to realize it was all me…

  7. Oh my goodness, for real!!! I am having so many issues with this that a few times a month I’m looking up information about hysterectomies and ablations and whatever else I can do to MAKE IT STOP!! I’ve been having the craziest periods over the last year or so too, like every two weeks–somebody shoot me because I can’t take much more (and neither can my family)!

  8. Laura Leseberg says:

    You should try Zoloft. It really helped with menopausal symptoms which are even WORSE than PMS. It’s like the 2-3 day postpartum crazies, PMS, hot-flash madness. Just ugly.

  9. 🙂 Sounds like you need an intervention IUD. Helps with the hormones! No periods! Crazy lunatic woman; BE GONE! Good luck… or should you pass that message on to Jason and the kids?

    So sorry for the PMS monster who visits you though. Yuck.